My ex’s friends are some of the shittiest people I’ve ever met. What they value, what they do, and how they act are appalling. With one or two exceptions, they’re misogynistic players, abusers, rapists, delinquent fathers, drunks, drug users, and just plain selfish assholes who smoke pot all day, every day. What good qualities they do have just don’t outweigh the bad. And I firmly believe that smoking pot all the time is a big reason behind the way they are. They’re shitty people and smoking every day allows them to not give a fuck, forget about it, and become even more self-absorbed. They ruined our relationship.
I thought he was better than them. But how could he be, when he’s one of them? How can you realize that you’re being hurtful towards your girlfriend when you hang out with a bunch of people who don’t give a fuck and talk shit about their girlfriends all the time? I wanted him to be better, and I thought he did, too. I just don’t know if he can.
I pity him that he’s stuck with them.
I thought about telling him all this in a letter, but what does it matter? If he couldn’t make a change after 4 years, why would any words from me make a difference now? He’d just react like one of the horrible, self-absorbed people he spends his time with. I know he recognizes their shittiness too, and he wishes he had different friends. He’s cried about it to me in rare moments when he’d open up. But I can’t help him anymore.
I think he’s already a different person from when we were together. We saw each other a handful of times in the month after we broke up, and each time he was a little more different, more distant. The last couple times we talked on the phone he didn’t sound the same. I don’t even want to imagine the cruel things his friends must be saying about me that he surely agreed with. That’s why he acted like a jerk to me a week ago, and I cut off all interactions. The person I loved isn’t there anymore. He may never have even been there. He may have been a figment of both our imaginations, of what he COULD be, if he were better. He’s certainly not there now.